Hemorrhoid Ointment

“Although science hasn’t come that far to explain why hemorrhoids occur, 3/4 people will experience it at some point in their lives. I did.” – A Disgruntled Combat Vet.

It starts with…

• Sitting too long on the privy-throne.
• Straining too hard while defecating.
• Unbalanced fiber diet.
• Poor after-loo hygiene.

And then you develop a squirty ketchup packet for an ass.

That’s why our Rrhoid Rage Hemorrhoid Ointment contains the active ingredient lidocaine and inactive ingredients magnesium sulfate & balsam fir; both guaranteed resolvers of those prolapsed adornments on your exit-path. After sullying the loo, kindly use our Medicated Flushable Wipes for skid-free underwear, and then apply the ointment to your hanging flowerpots of Babylon for instant relief & healing!

It’s FDA-approved & human-tested, so easing your ailment is our guarantee. Really, quit joking and seek resolution in a before-&-after poop assister. You look like you need it if you’re still reading this. Buy our products.

Vanity before pride, my friends!