Butt relief is a Godsend

FDA-Approved Hemorrhoid Ointment Made With Lidocaine and Magnesium

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#1 hemorrhoid treatment for all weary butts

FDA-Approved Formula

No Weird Ingredients

Rapidly Numbs Pain & Itching

Prevents Further Irritation

Hemorrhoid Ointment


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Product Info

“Although science hasn’t come that far to explain why hemorrhoids occur, 3/4 people will experience it at some point in their lives. I did.” – A Disgruntled Combat Vet.

It starts with…

  • Sitting too long on the privy-throne.
  • Straining too hard while defecating.
  • Unbalanced fiber diet.
  • Poor after-loo hygiene.

And then you develop a squirty ketchup packet for an ass.

That’s why our Rrhoid Rage Hemorrhoid Ointment contains the active ingredient lidocaine and inactive ingredients magnesium sulfate & balsam fir; both guaranteed resolvers of those prolapsed adornments on your exit-path. After sullying the loo, kindly use our Medicated Flushable Wipes for skid-free underwear, and then apply the ointment to your hanging flowerpots of Babylon for instant relief & healing!

It’s FDA-approved & human-tested, so easing your ailment is our guarantee. Really, quit joking and seek resolution in a before-&-after poop assister. You look like you need it if you’re still reading this. Buy our products.

Vanity before pride, my friends!

Contains 4% Lidocaine + Magnesium Sulfate


Our ointment contains 4% lidocaine. Lidocaine quickly numbs the pain that hemorrhoids trigger along with other symptoms like itching and burning!

Magnesium Sulfate

Up to 80% of Americans are deficient in magnesium, which is an essential mineral for the body. We included magnesium in our formula to help with the magnesium deficiency dilemma and to also help ease bowel movements!

Balsam Fir Essential Oil

Fun fact: balsam fir was historically used in the American Civil War to treat combat injuries due to its medicinal and healing properties! We included balsam fir for its healing properties and its fresh, mild clean scent that other hemorrhoid ointments lack.
Reasons why you'll love our Butt cream

Our ointment has all of the ingredients that have proven to work in the fight against ass-teroids. Lidocaine will give you relief from the pain and itching, while phenylephrine and witch hazel work to shrink the butt monsters. We added magnesium sulfate and balsam fir to assist with healing and soothing, making this ointment your best friend in this fight for rump health. Oh, and it looks cool, nbd.

Veteran Owned

Made in USA

Made In USA

Free Shipping

It Looks Cool

How To use ointment

Squirt a generous amount of ointment onto your finger and proceed to liberally drown those nasty little butt demons with as much ointment as needed.


The ingredients for our ointment are:

Active ingredients: Lidocaine 4%, Phenylephrine HCI 0.25%.

Inactive ingredients: Aloe extract AQ, Balsam fir, Butylated hydroxyanisol, Glycerin, lanolin alcohols,lanolin USP, magnesium sulfate, methyl paraben, mineral oil, petrolatum, propylparaben, witch hazel, white bees wax.

What Our Customers Say


This is such a wonderful veteran owned small family business. The fiber gummies are very effective but are so yummy it’s hard to not exceed the recommended serving size! I love the ointment, too. It is rich, thick, and relieves the pain of my ocassional hems. Can’t wait to try the wipes!

-Krista L.


This is the best ointment I’ve tried yet! And I’ve used many other competitors. It for sure helped me throughout my whole pregnancy and postpartum! I cannot wait to get my hands on the fiber gummies.

-Christina Z.


I’m not one to leave reviews but I just had to for Rrhoid Rage. I love their whole mission as a company and how they’re breaking the mold of the typical medical companies and the humor surrounding the taboo subject of hemorrhoids. Keep up the great work! Looking forward to trying more products.

-Brad B.

Frequently Asked Questions

How often can I reapply Rrhoid Rage ointment?

You can reapply externally to the affected areas up to 4 times daily!

Does your ointment have a child-proof cap?

Yes, it does! To open, simply press cap down, then twist counterclockwise. To close, just twist cap back on clockwise.

Why does the ointment burn at first?

The burning sensation is likely due to the lidocaine, which is known to burn a little bit at first. After a couple of minutes, the burning sensation should wear off and you will start to feel the numbing effects of the lidocaine!

*However, stop use and ask a doctor if bleeding occurs, condition worsens and does not improve within 7 days, allergic reaction occurs to ingredients in this product, symptom being treated does not subside or if redness, irritation, swelling, pain or other symptoms develop or increase.

Where is your ointment made?

 Where is your ointment made?

What is your return policy?

Unfortunately, for the fiber gummies, we don’t accept returns due to the nature of the products being in the medical and health category. The only return or replacment exception is if the product was damaged in transit. We will gladly refund and/or replace those items!

How long will my order take to process?

Once you place your order please allow 1- 3 business days for your order to process for shipment. As soon as your order ships, you will receive a tracking link that contains your order’s up-to-date location status. Your tracking link can also be found on your account page under the “My Orders” tab.

When will my order ship?

Once you place your order please allow 1- 3 business days for your order to process for shipment. As soon as your order ships, you will receive a tracking link that contains your order’s up-to-date location status. Your tracking link can also be found on your account page under the “My Orders” tab.

Once shipped, please allow 3-7 business days for your order to be delivered for US orders!

Do you guys offer free shipping?
Yes! You’ve suffered enough so shipping’s on us!
How can I track my order?

We will send the tracking information to the email address associated with your order once the item has shipped!

What is Rrhoid Rage?

Rrhoid Rage started off as a joke but turned into a serious business idea. We are a small business comprised of a husband and a wife team. The husband, Trey, is a disabled combat veteran who suffered from hemorrhoids for almost 15 years until he had to get surgery to remove them and his wife, Tori, is also disabled. She was born profoundly deaf in both ears and wears cochlear implants. She, too, suffered from internal hemorrhoids after two pregnancies and experienced lasting relief using our own products! She is the creative and design backbone for Rrhoid Rage.

Why are we the best?

Cause we are, duh! Just kidding. Maybe. But seriously, we pride ourselves with being one of the best hemorrhoid companies out there because we personally know how painful and debilitating hemorrhoids can be and have tested every single formula on ourselves and know what works and what doesn’t. We also use high quality ingredients and try to keep the customer in mind with everything we do.

Where are you guys located?
We are located in Dallas-Fort Worth, TX!
I have more questions...
Check out our FAQs page here or email us at info@rrhoidrage.com for any questions you may have!